Day 30 Signing back on

Thank you all for reading, I survived the 30 day experiment! I have learned that

1.  FB is a time sucker
2. It drains your energy
3. Allows/enables people to become socially lazy
4. Only 1 person to my knowledge noticed or at least took the time to see what was going on.
5. I am far more productive and have been more productive without my daily visits.
6. I am no longer addicted to the opinions of those who seem to care not one wit about me or my life.
7. I have found that those who do care reach out without thinking about whether or not you are on Facebook.
8. Life is fuller, richer, and more active sans the virtual world.
9. That there is a small place for connecting, catching up, and helping people through Facebook.
10. Finally that while I will reconnect, that  I am emotionally more in touch with my self and in general happier without it!

Day 28

It really has gone by faster than you would think. My friends who are reading this Tank you for following. I have had more time than ever and have accomplished a lot over this past month. I have given up a habit that was slowly and steadily eating my time. I will go on there on Wednesday and do A giant check in follow-up with the few comments I have received and let my friends know what I was doing. I may resume a few games, but I have officially taken up with my writing again to the point that I am convinced the one of the books will see the inside of a store before 2013  and 2 more for 2014. I have found a new space for my business and saw the fruits of my labor yesterday when I met with 6 new clients and 2 return clients. It is very exciting to see all parts of my life in a state of flow.

I am now convinced that Facebook aided immensely in the stagnation my life was going through. I am not saying caused, but aiding and enabled me to escape in rather unhealthy ways. I was spending more time on the computer playing games than I was interacting, playing in real life, creating, living in general. Now I am on the computer I am writing, working at my business and making plans with people.

I urge you to try giving up Facebook for 2 weeks and see what happens, see the changes in your time and energy. It will easily take one week to stop wanting to check, see, and basically feed your addiction. Do this with any and all sites that you spend more than an hour of your day on. It may not be Facebook for you, it could be twitter, second life, chat rooms, linked in and, Imvu. Do not let the virtual world replace the real one. If your going to escape, pick up a good book, or write a world of your own, paint, draw, sing, go to a concert, go to a museum and live it in 3d!

Rock on in the real world!

Day 26 The home stretch! (The prospect of self publishing)

With only 4 more days to go my predictions were blown 1 lone person has noticed. My expectations have been exceeded. With the time I have had left over My weight has started to drop again. YAY! After yo-yoing, it is sticking in the down direction, I need a longer string.

I have made great progress on one of my books (the novel into the third chapter) and am well into the 2nd book, not a novel. It will be one of those quick and easy writes but it was a matter of setting up the structure. I got the bones of it done the preface and into the first section. totalling now 62 pages. I hope to be done writing by the end of March and ready to publish by August 2012. When I am you all will be amongst the first to know. I am going the self publishing route for several reasons. 1. I will have greater control, 2. I feel no need to pay for an agent (the Novel will be a different story) 3. The gap between the self publishing world and the publishing world is closing with the advent of the e-book. It is no longer the vanity publishing it was 10-20 years ago. Many of them sell to all of the major retailers with out the backbreaking work of calling, shaking hands, smiling blithely at people who will forget you as soon as you are gone.  If any of you have opinions on self publishing, tactics, pros and cons let me know!!! Please comment

The other reason is that this type of book will be on a deadline that the red tape of a formal publishing environment may get in the way of. I want this book to be available  and ready to buy no later than Nov. 1st. So here’s hoping and praying that it will be a smash hit!

Read, write, and pour out your soul into the eyes and hearts of your readers!

Day 17 Valentines day? What stinkin’ Valentines Day?

Flying solo this Valentine’s day and no regrets. I spent it busying myself with work and finding a great space. I signed a year-long lease which scared the crud out of me, but it is in a good space and the price was right. Sure I would be lying if I said I would hate being doted on by the man of my dreams, and would simply be pissed with a fantastic surprise given with thought and love. Yes that would indeed be a lie, but until the man of my dreams falls from the heavens with angel dust still falling from his shoulders…. I will be making my own dreams come true. That being said, not bitter at all, just tired of finding the wrong ones… Ok Universe, I have learned the lessons can we stop sending me frogs.

I still can not believe that the lease has been signed and I will soon be on the next chapter of this story. Waiting and watching it unfold has been one of the biggest gifts and blessings I have been given. I am a lucky girl and will bask in the love of friends, family and focus on what has been given rather than what is not there.

So many singletons dread the day of love with bitter disdain or denial. Sure we can say it is a commercial ploy to pump gifts and chocolate into the economy as a jolt of caffeine to sustain us until the next Christmas frenzy. We however are the ones buying in when we are hopelessly in love and dread when we are not. So leave commerce out of it and if you’re in love celebrate it everyday and if you are not or are waiting, love yourself!

Day (I’ve lost count and am too lazy to check)- Snow what?

I was out all day looking for a new space for my side gig which for now shall remain my little secret.   and there was some snow on and off, but nothing spectacular. I could say the same for the buildings I looked at.  At least one of them will be at the very least functional if not aesthetically pleasing. It is exciting the thought of having a space all to myself as long as the price is right i can make the inside beautiful and allow those who come in forget about the building it is contained in. For those of you who play second life think living in a sand box verses a well fleshed out sim. I went back home and got asked out on a last-minute date from someone I thought was not really interested in me, but alas work took precedence and I am out a date.  So I decided to take advantage of the time and go about writing. I have not written for my novel in too long so in about another 15 minutes when I am done with this I will turn my attentions to the book. I got ready, talked to my friends and family about the spaces, called a few more and stepped out to a little night storm.

What!! My car was covered in snow, but being the New England-er I am, I skipped the coat, the gloves and the  hat and hopped in the car completely unprepared for the white stuff. I was virtually naked, though I did change from sandals to closed shoes so I was slightly prepared.

I love snow at night it seems almost magical, it does make everything prettier if not infinitely more dangerous.  People simply do not know how to drive. That is besides the point, I drove through the loveliness barreling at me from the sky in big frothy flakes, giving me the feeling that I was driving warp speed through the  stars. I got to Barnes and Noble got my coffee and sweet fix, roamed over to my favorite table to find it was taken. As soon as I started to unpack, he was leaving so I asked to make sure and explained that there was a plug and that this was prime real estate. He politely said he would have moved anyway if I really needed it. I said thank you but I would not have asked if I though he was staying. So it was a nice exchange with someone who was kind. Thank you universe! I noticed when I sat down that I was across from my sister laptop, another woman with the same laptop as me.  Since it is on the old side for a computer, I was surprised. She is now gone and so must I be soon in the quest to work on my chapter 3 of my book.

So yesterday I got one of those dang you’ve got notifications pending from my beloved Facebook and felt that old familiar twang. I did however resist the urge to just pop on for a moment and have a look-see. I am finding that I miss it a little, but value my time and sleep more. I have connected with a few friends that are both over seas and here in NJ. Someday I may go back to say my hellos and possibly a formal good-bye. Let the secret slip about my experiment as clearly no one has noticed. LOL my A off and see what comes next in my life. I suspect that I will soon be too busy with my new space and expanding business to care at all any more about FB . I do still keep up my business page on FB as it is just for business and do not have running conversations on there. They do not know about the experiment either and I will keep it that way until the 30 day mark.

Have a lovely and snowy night, Facebook free and full of real life!

Day 12 Being responsible

So I gave the people on FB a bit more credit than is turning out to be reality. Not a single person has noticed that I am gone or if they have have done and said nothing. My close friends have been in closer contact and have been making an effort to spend time together. Perhaps that is the reaction on a subconscious level. I did the responsible thing and paid my bills sorted the laundry for the weekend and took care of some other business today. As Valentines day comes closer and closer with not a valentine in sight (which is partially by choice and partially by circumstance)I am attempting to create a day well spent, on what will make me nothing but happy.

Well I am off to continue my streak of responsibility and get some sleep.

Sweet dreams all.

Day 9 finding peace!

Ok I am excited that in one week have had 1500 hits, I am a bit shocked really, but excited.  I had a peaceful day of cooking, well making salad and Tuna salad for the next few days. Had an entire pot of tea and watched the Superbowl. Sadly the Pats lost…. come on boys what happened!!! But it is what it is.

 

I had more work today at a different job that was equally as gratifying and brought joy to another. Get your mind out of the gutter, not That kind of job silly!! I wear many hats and do choose to keep somethings to myself more for those I work with than anything else. No need to bring others into my reflections on here.

I am actually looking forward to next week and the urge to check Facebook is slowly slipping away. The constant need for games and distractions are waning, and really everything is coming into clarity.

Signing off for now

~ Me

Day 8 (I think) In the wee small hours of the morning, and after too much Sangria!!

I am starting to lose count of the days and the fact the my head is foggy from too much Nora Roberts and an over abundance of sangria does not help.  Oh the sweet joys of Sangria, with its little dance that begs for more… you can thank Nora for that last sentence.

For the first time in over 7 months, I found myself working at one of my many part-time gigs. I did not realize how much I had missed it. Retail, most would lament is filled with angry customers, fists banging down in demands from “The Man,” patiently listening to stories of people who clearly have no one else to listen to or pay attention to them. But I enjoy it, the variety, the stories, the happy face from a customer when I have helped them to find exactly what they did not even know they wanted. One client even said to me “Thank you for asking that question, no one has ever asked us that. They just say here let me show you what we have to sell!” I responded with a smile and let them know it was probably because I had been doing this a long time, though they quickly shirked that answer and continued their praise.

Retail tells the character of a person much in the same way as a fire alarm in the middle of the night. I remember several times in college being stuck outside in the cold and my pj’s and looking around at all the pissed and angry people.

There were a few like myself who appreciated the eventfulness that allowed a watcher to revel in the mix of emotions. I smiled to myself knowing that the secret was all too easy, be happy your awake and alive, and giggle at the futile anger around you. ( Can you tell I finally figured out how to get pictures in my post!! Oh joy)

I can not believe how much actual reading I have done since giving up FB even after an 8 hour shift and a long evening of sangira and laughing with a friend I have not laughed with or talked to alone in quite a while. It was heartbreakingly nice. The night also showed the stark comparison of what my life was becoming before Christmas. This whole transition was over due and is still taking its sweet time. My sadness is falling away at much the same speed as the NJ turnpike at rush hour, during an accident. But it is falling, with tears, silent sobs, and words, words, and more words. I do thank you all for reading and indulging me a little. I am completely taken by how many hits I have had here. Not many to the blogging world in general I know, but for my little space in this cyber world, it is an honor to have your eyes gaze upon such a humble stage. Your time is an honor and a blessing.

Pause for a poem

There is one whisper in the night,

No voice I know,

Small but solid,

Brave and crushingly vulnerable.

It takes the small light inside, to understand it is mine.

Mine alone,

Mine to bear,

Mine to share.

`Me

5 things I’ve learnt about cooking: the calamitous kitchen confessions of a single guy

5 things I’ve learnt about cooking: the calamitous kitchen confessions of a single guy.

Day 6 eer 7 Lost in a book and lost in myself

In the days since leaving FB I have finished one delicious Nora Roberts book and Launched into another one…. oh how I have missed reading. I do need to write more, but reading is something I have not really done in a while. I suppose it is because it puts me in touch with feelings I had been trying to avoid for a while, while FB helps to numb them.

I recently had a lovely emotional breakdown, full with tears and gnashing of teeth from years of suppressed anger, sadness, loss, isolation and more feelings I am still coming to terms with. It is scary how work can force a smile on your face and how mindless games can freeze it there. Nora Roberts is one of my favorite writers probably because I can see myself in  her heroines. Tough on the outside, projecting the wanted image to the world, and all the while twisted up with suppressed emotions and fears. Like most women really.

This generation of women, while more liberated than any other are still forced to play the game like a man. instead of working with who we are and our natural strengths we try to think and act like a man. I am not saying that we are not tough and analytical, logical, and concise, but we are also instinctive, nurturing, whole pictured and leaders.

I have seen a few women who have succeeded by being all of themselves and they have better relationships with their employees, loyalty, and productivity, than the women who neglect those qualities, trying to imitate their male counterparts.

I have been told a few times by male teachers and bosses to basically be more like them and when I tried, I failed miserably and the customers and students who witnessed it, saw right through it. As soon as I honored my natural instincts and abilities, I was respected by those who worked with me.

I think though that somewhere along the way I have been more and more inclined to toughen my skin at work, in relationships, be strong for those around me, and really forgetting to honor the emotional self.

Several life events these past few months finally led to the crumble of the walls and the acknowledgement of what I was subconsciously trying to avoid. I cried a few years worth of tears and I think the characters in Nora Robert’s books are helping me along the path of healing. I can cry for the characters and in a way cry for myself as well. Seeing them is like looking in a mirror and while I like what I see, I can’t run from it either.

It is not unlike the beautiful model who suffers inside because no one sees past her face or figure. I am seen as many roles, but rarely have been allowed to or allowed myself to crumble. Who knows maybe after many more books and adventures, characters and dramas, I will fully find myself again and cry the unshed tears I did not know needed shedding.

Happy tears my well read friends!